Welcome my friends. After a rather harrowing period which saw a downward spiral of suicidal thoughts and self hate I am taking the positive steps to heal. For years I have been suppressing my shame, pain, violence, debauchery, promiscuity, vices and my fucked up family. The energy taken to suppress and play normal has had a huge effect on me and I want to be free from the past. Now ready to release my sins and heal, I thought a fabulous healing process would to be to finally share my inner thoughts and experiences. Over the next one hundred days I will expell one demon at a time…… xoxo
I have just spent the last week travelling on The Bipolar Express. The train is fuelled by glorious, premium high octane juice and heads straight to Fuckville.
Destination Fuckville is a place where confidence is endless and every idea is a bloody good idea. Where super ego’s party by throwing their energy into good times. Where sleep in not necessary but sexually prowess required. Here in Fuckville a person’s objective is to get off on as much inappropriate sex possible. Sex is the drug of choice and the addict needs hit after hit to get higher and higher. The more risky the sex the larger the high.
Sex is spewing out of from every breath and pore. Every idea is a good idea. Welcome to Fuckville!
The last few years I’ve had to face my demons with Bipolar. I have made many changes in my life to combat the rollercoaster of moods. Mainly, regular exercise at the gym, food and diet and no drugs or alcohol except in very small does on very limited occasions. During our first lockdown during warmer months I could maintain my fitness with options like running country lanes, walking lush local green pastures or on the rolling baron hills on the moors. The experience was not only good for the body but invigorating for the soul as I am surrounded by exquisite beauty.
They say you wouldn’t like me because the Color of my skin.
They had you grow up thinking that my pigment Was a sin.
Instead of showing truths; that we come from Rulers and Kings.
They made you hate my outsides, instead of Loving what’s within.
By Alphonso Clarke who is currently incarcerated.
Recently I have started writing to pen pals who are incarcerated in different countries. My objective is to offer friendship and warmth during what can be a very lonely, dark and difficult time. I do make any judgements and just try and connect with them.
What made me decide to write? Well, some of my own family members have also been in prison. Having this experience, of knowing their own struggles with isolation and the daily hurdles, I wanted to try and help others.
A letter a week can make all the difference. Being a connection to the outside world, offering kind words to make long and lonely periods more tolerable or just being understanding can create positive energy and outcomes.
I would like a world where everyone is more kind and caring.
How can I change make the world be more kind and caring……..Be humble. Be a beacon of light. Be loving and giving without prejudice or judgement.