Hello and Greetings

93AE0552-D19E-44AF-9F5E-4540DCBDB8D9.jpeg

Welcome my friends.  After a rather harrowing  period which saw a downward spiral of suicidal thoughts and self hate I am taking the positive steps to heal. For years I have been suppressing my shame, pain, violence, debauchery,  promiscuity, vices and my fucked up family.  The energy taken to suppress and play normal has had a huge effect on me and I want to be free from the past.  Now ready to release my sins and heal, I thought a fabulous healing process would to be to finally share my inner thoughts and experiences. Over the next one hundred days I will expell one demon at a time…… xoxo

Featured post

Today

Today I really need a friend.

I could do with some reassurance.

Instead I lay here on my own, all teary.

I pondered the realisation of wandering alone.

Clearing the old to make way for the new.

Tonight I feel very lonesome.

SPIRITUAL MATURITY – by RUMI (Persian spiritual master of the thirteenth century responds)

Care, Bliss and the Universe


What is poison?

Anything but what we need is poison.”

It can be power, laziness, food, ego, ambition, fear, anger, or whatever …

What is fear?
Non-acceptance of uncertainty. If we accept uncertainty, it becomes adventure.

What is envy?

The non-acceptance of happiness in the other. If we accept, it becomes inspiration.

What is anger?

– The non-acceptance of what is beyond our control. If we accept, it becomes tolerance.

What is hate?

– Not accepting people as they are.

If we accept them unconditionally, then they become love.

What is spiritual maturity?

1. It’s when we stop trying to change others and focus on moving.

2. It is when we accept people as they are.

3. It is when we understand that all are successful according to their own perspective.

4. It is when you learn to “LET IT GO”.

5. It is when we…

View original post 117 more words

My souls journey

  • Our Heaven and our Earth depart from each other.

    My soul’s dignity commands a new direction.

    The truth leads us away from our polarised path.

    As your hearts energy ceased to flow, I stumble with this thought.

    My passionate spirit is wanting better.

    A mirrored kindred dancing soul!

    Difficult trials as I hold to my course, the moon lights my way.

    March pass killing fields where lay drama queens and dead poets,

    boring, bland bitches and curious old whispered legends.

    I take my journey far from your no mans land of silent purgatory and shadowing of light.

    I transcend my dignity up bright and far from my inferior invaders.

    Quote – C.G. Jung, The Red Book: Liber Novus


    “My soul, where are you? Do you hear me? I speak, I call you – are you there? I have returned, I am here again. I have shaken the dust of all the lands from my feet, and I have come to you, I am with you. After long years of long wandering, I have come to you again. Should I tell you everything I have seen, experienced, and drunk in? Or do you not want to hear about all the noise of life and the world? But one thing you must know: the one thing I have learned is that one must live this life. Do you still know me? How long the separation lasted! Everything has become so different. And how did I find you? How strange my journey was! What words should I use to tell you on what twisted paths a good star has guided me to you? Give me your hand, my almost forgotten soul. How warm the joy at seeing you again, you long disavowed soul. Life has led me back to you. Let us thank the life I have lived for all the happy and all the sad hours, for every joy, for every sadness. My soul, my journey should continue with you. I will wander with you and ascend to my solitude.”
    ― C.G. Jung, The Red Book: Liber Novus

    I absolutely love this passage.

    Do you know your soul?

    I lost mine but found it a few months ago and now we are best friends. It was the most friendliest homecoming inside me. I’m stronger and happier more now than ever. I love my soul.

    My place called home

    My nomadic nature moves with the wind

    At the pace of water

    My soul dances with flow from my beating heart

    I sleep where I lay

    Wondering the adventurous of known and unknown

    Floating, sometimes stomping

    Breathing, sometimes suffocating

    I live life and keep moving

    I thought home was where ever I was happy

    But, today found out home is in your arms

    A new way forward

    My future will include

    Nurture

    Love

    Respect

    Companionship

    Adventure

    Being kind to myself and caring of my soul

    I say goodbye too

    Second guessing myself

    Malice

    Deceit

    Disrespect

    Addiction

    And stress

    Intense pleasure, immense pain. Part One

    Twenty years ago when I was at a cross road regarding my future. One path was to get back with my old flame, who I have a drug past with, who came close to killing me in an automobile accident, whose acquaintance raped me and made me lose my soul. The other path was to create a life with a gentle, kind and handsome Welsh boy that I met whilst on an overseas trip.

    Now, never one to opt for an easy journey I first choose the Welsh boy who’s so handsome with a massive heart and impressive big willy. But, while waiting for my Welsh Knight in shining armour I thought it a rather brilliant idea to have my bad ass exboyfriend help keep my bed warm until the Knight flew in from overseas.

    The old flame dutifully warmed my bed and dutifully fucked me. I soon had those old feelings back, I was back in love with him and fully prepared to let him make an honest women out of me. I had visions of us riding off into the sunset and being together forever. My ex had promised to take me out for a romantic dinner and I was so full of joy, jumping with excitement. Wow, he was really showing signs of being really serious with me. So I got all dressed up and made my hair real pretty and waited. Two days I waited! Two days! It was then it dawned on me that perhaps he didn’t really love me and I was pissed at myself for being naive. When he finally did show his muggy face it turns outs that bad ass ex was also seeing Bubbles the stripper. He was now keeping her bed warm. I recall him gleefully describing playing with her nipples and sharing this with me like I was one of the lads. Oh, yeah he also had a girlfriend! I was part of a love square! My feeling were smashed into bits and thrown to the cold wind to blow straight back into my face to slap me hard. My body went stone cold in a split second. The immense pain was turning my heart dark, I felt like a complete fool. In that moment new I was done for good. Never mind though, I told myself, my Knight was due to arrive soon. I just pretended those last few weeks never happened and buried it deep to save my pride and ego. It’s like nothing ever happened.

    Finally my Knight arrives and we spend the next few weeks having passionate, glorious quivering sex for hours, with such intense pleasure. Mr Knight who was originally my plan A, then my plan B (when my ex turned up in my life again) was soon my plan A again and my life journey felt like it was back on track, full steam ahead. All was going marvellously until I realised my period hadn’t arrived. I was excited but worried as a pregnancy this early in a new relationship wasn’t what I had planned and I didn’t want this new journey to get complicated. Off to the doctors for the routine check up was next. I laid on the table for an internal examination expecting to have my dates confirmed to be about 6 weeks. But, no, not 6 weeks along, I was 3 months along! Shit!

    Anyway, to cut a long story short, terminated pregnancy, cried, married the Knight, had 4 more children, and thought the journey with the Knight was set in stone for a happily ever after………….

    (to be continued)

    When going to the gym starts paying off.

    When a handsome demigod with a physique of a Spartan warrior and the face of a GQ model came prancing into the local gym I totally creamed my knickers instantly. Now, I have been a gym bunny off and on for over a decade and a half and have therefore have seen my fair share of fit men. However, there was something uniquely special about this man, he totally took my breath away.

    Continue reading “When going to the gym starts paying off.”

    Tonight, some soul…..Bad Girl by Lee Moses

    This is a song about a bad girl

    Something that happened to me long time ago

    Everybody was telling me how the little girl was running around

    I had a head of my own

    and I just wouldn’t listen to nobody

    my father he told me

    my mother sat down and cried

    said son this woman will break your heart

    and then she’ll put you down

    that’s when I told mama these words

    lord have mercy

    baaaaaad girl mama

    bad, bad girl

    mama they call her bad girl

    all because she wanted to be free

    but i’m in love with the little girl

    and i believe that she loves me.

    what my heart feels

    my lips must confess

    so I will never let her alone

    i don’t care if they call her bad

    bad girl, mama

    lord have mercy

    bad, bad girl

    love is a mystery

    never can be explained by anything

    but i believe one of these days

    the whole world will understand

    what my heart feels

    my lips must confess

    so i will

    never let that little girl alone

    i don’t care if they call her bad

    bad girl

    you better believe it, mama

     

    Blog at WordPress.com.

    Up ↑