A manic bipolar episode

The last few years I’ve had to face my demons with Bipolar. I have made many changes in my life to combat the rollercoaster of moods. Mainly, regular exercise at the gym, food and diet and no drugs or alcohol except in very small does on very limited occasions. During our first lockdown during warmer months I could maintain my fitness with options like running country lanes, walking lush local green pastures or on the rolling baron hills on the moors. The experience was not only good for the body but invigorating for the soul as I am surrounded by exquisite beauty.

The second lockdown has not been motivating. The gyms are firming closed for fours weeks and time in winter passes a lot more slowly. One week feels like one month so by my calculations, the gym won’t open in what feels like three more months. But, actual fact it is three more weeks. The difference between second lockdown is that it is occurring during winter. Winter is cold, winter is wet, winter is damp and winter is long. Even though it’s just the beginning of the cold, wet, damp season it still is very cold, wet and damp, and, those those rolling green pastures and beautiful country lanes are now like an assault course where you are battling storms, massive amounts of mud, puddles and falling branches . So, not a fun experience at all and add the fact that these old knees have seen better days they tend to seize up and become paralysed and useless. My body just simply reacts negatively to the cold, the damp and the wet. Therefore, in short, no exercise means no regulation of sleep patterns which implodes into manic episodes, so fun times ahead.

Now, I have been so concerned about not just my own mental wellbeing but also the mental health of others. We all need outlets during these strange and confusing times. I do believe the gyms should stay open during lockdown. I even wrote to my local MP and shared my thoughts. He replied, but on reading it, I believe it was a generic response as he seemed to miss my points.

So, anyway, fast forward past week one of lockdown with no fitness ( BTW, home fitness is near impossible in these small wee houses here) what could possibly go wrong? Hmmmm, let’s see, no fitness equals no sleep which results in manic manifestations. Fun times ahead.

The thing with Bipolar is that when your manic everything is genuinely a very marvellous idea. Every thing I do is with 100% commitment and done at a very speedy pace. The body has unlimited energy and my mind won’t stop talking to me.

Somehow, and I’m not too sure how or why, but I created an online account on a dating website. Now, I’m married and have been for two whole decades so I shouldn’t even know the names of any dating sites. Not only did I create and online profile I also responded to emails. And, yes, the whole time I firmly believe that I am not doing anything wrong and it is a good idea. Like, a really, really good idea. There was one email that caught my eye and I intaily thought what a friendly lad. So, like a eager beaver I replied. Not only did I reply, I also gave him my phone number. What could possibly go wrong? Oops….I think I’ve just opened Pandora’s pretty little jewelled box of filth and naughtiness.

Hurry up lockdown I need the gym opened. I am in need of burning off these sexual desires. My manic behaviour needs mellowing before I end up slamming on something I shouldn’t while moaning ” harder Danny, harder”.

Published by Queen Sina

Important to me = family, adventure, music, freedom, nature and travel........ I spend my time paddle boarding, kayaking, do charity work and am always keen to learn new things with my family. I love working out and daydreaming. I spend most of my time feeling confused and trying to figure shit out. I’m introverted but most people think I’m the opposite. My ambitions are to be a calmer and free.......have endless adventures and interesting days. Most of all I love my family.

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