When a handsome demigod with a physique of a Spartan warrior and the face of a GQ model came prancing into the local gym I totally creamed my knickers instantly. Now, I have been a gym bunny off and on for over a decade and a half and have therefore have seen my fair share of fit men. However, there was something uniquely special about this man, he totally took my breath away.
Tonight, some soul…..Bad Girl by Lee Moses
This is a song about a bad girl
Something that happened to me long time ago
Everybody was telling me how the little girl was running around
I had a head of my own
and I just wouldn’t listen to nobody
my father he told me
my mother sat down and cried
said son this woman will break your heart
and then she’ll put you down
that’s when I told mama these words
lord have mercy
baaaaaad girl mama
bad, bad girl
mama they call her bad girl
all because she wanted to be free
but i’m in love with the little girl
and i believe that she loves me.
what my heart feels
my lips must confess
so I will never let her alone
i don’t care if they call her bad
bad girl, mama
lord have mercy
bad, bad girl
love is a mystery
never can be explained by anything
but i believe one of these days
the whole world will understand
what my heart feels
my lips must confess
so i will
never let that little girl alone
i don’t care if they call her bad
bad girl
you better believe it, mama
You are about to receive a call……
It never gets easier been told your loved one has been incarcerated.
Every telephone call breaks the heart a little more.
It never gets any easier knowing they’re slowing falling down the rabbit hole further.
So, every good memory slowly fades while realities slaps sore.
Prison skipped a whole generation but it soon caught up with the next.
So, every tear shed holds my pain, shame and despair.
Why do governments pay thousands to incarcerate?
Wouldn’t funding prevention be money better spent?
Why do so many vulnerable young men end up in prison?
Why do so many mental health suffers end up in prison?
My isolated month
Soul repairing the carnage
Hiding hurt, taking cover under bed covers
Avoiding deceit , lies prance and parade themselves, howling to the moon
Energy vampires, sucking my essence, feeding off the stench of their false self importance
I regret you all.
Stilling winds, quiet places, I die and vanish beneath the abandonment
I reject you all.
Rhythmic beats awake my desire, my heart hears nature’s call
Standing alone, raising palms to the sun
I call my name and walk again.
Clinging
Flames hang on to their fuel in order to keep the fire burning. Likewise, in the human world, everything that radiates light or love is dependent upon something else. Through the webs of our interdependence, we see that everything is related, each thing to the other. Awareness of your attachment to other people is the key that opens the door to knowing your true place in the world. No human is an island.
Fire is also a symbol of liberation — crackling molecules that fly away from home. Paradoxically, by clinging to what is natural and appropriate, we gain inner freedom.
Clarity of mind is most valuable when its light illuminates events slowly and evenly. True intelligence must be tied to sincerity and genuine feeling; otherwise, it will burn itself out like a fire in dry straw. Those in possession of brilliance should learn to temper their insights, so as not to arouse enmity in others. Those who are restless and impatient with others may rise to prominence quickly, but are likely to descend just as rapidly. It is possible to be too clever.
Clarity of vision can empower you to penetrate the veil of life’s illusions. This can bring good fortune, if such a vision is accompanied by a change of heart and you let go of delusion. Once the vanity of human endeavors becomes clear, one of two extremes can happen. Either you continue to struggle for life’s rewards as if they were real or you find yourself falling into the depths of despair. But after despair, then what?
A modern day exorcism
This year is about evicting demons and other spiritual entities from my life in this modern world.
Slowly but surely banishing old bad habits, filthy arse friends, bad family and haunting dark memories is coming second nature.
While some actions require soul searching, being honest with myself and many hours with my therapist, other actions to exorcise is much easier and just a few clicks on the keyboard. Blocking people on social media sounds childish but I have personally found it very empowering. Within seconds of blocking them I no longer have to see their smug posts, photos, faces and fake lives.
I choose to no longer be an audience to their demonic lies and self deluded games. Playing with my emotions is now met with a swift fast block. It’s just one of the many steps I’m taking to ensure my wellness. I seem to be surround by people who can’t be honest, upfront and turn my good nature against me.
To my friends and family, if you choose to backstab me, talk shit about me, try and manipulate those around me for your own selfishness I will simply blocked you. I will block your calls, block you on social media and ghost you. And, I don’t feel bad one little bit. Purging has been fabulous.
Lost souls trying to sink their teeth into my essence and suck me dry, my defence is up now and you cannot break my wall.
Dark influences trying to corrupt my soul, I’m on to you. I’ve outgrown you and wised up. Your persona has cracks in it and only darkness creeps through. Destroying is the only thing you can achieve now, selling false dreams to kids to control them. We may be blood but nothing binds us. I have purged you.
You are now deleted!
Hexagram 61
Have recently began a journey into understanding I Ching. My reading today has the below advise, food for thought…….
Zhōng Fú: the ideogram and the story
What does it mean for your question?
This hexagram is complementary to hex.62.
Top 9: A drawn-out sound ascends to heaven. Determination pitfall.
Do not dissect truth too much in words or ideas. Before you realize it, you live up to great words instead of simple intuition, to beautiful ideas instead of simple experience. Give your emotions a fair chance to live life without giving it names.
(Changes to hex.60)
9 at 5: When one has truth, then one binds. Without fault.
Who is true can also recognize truth in others. He can make real and deep contact, and he can avoid all harmful and needless influences. The ability to find the right people and avoid the wrong ones is one of the greatest assets in life, surpassing the best education, the most abounding riches.
(Changes to hex.41) Mirror
6 at 4: The moon is almost full. One of the horses pair gets lost. Without fault.
The individual and society will never agree completely. In order to stay oneself, one will have to make sacrifices. Set your preferences, you cannot have it all, so decide what is important and what is not. Wanting all that society offers means one loses a lot Self.
(Changes to hex.10)
Marriage – sometimes love, sometimes hate…..
A few months ago I was suffering from long term stress and anxiety which resulted in a panic attack and deep depression (okay, I wanted to end my life) . The frustrations that seeped down to every cell in my body manifest to a state where breathing was unbearable. For months my days swirled with emotional highs and lows. I no longer recognised myself physical or emotional self and I was very worried I’d lost the plot so much so I began to worry that this is who I was now.
Feeling completely exhausted and overwhelmed I found myself a spiritual healer. I needed to step outside myself and hear some wisdom to help find a path towards calmness and sensibility. My journey to finding myself again has been profound. Layer by layer I have peeled back old memories to confront, found truths I’d hidden and started to see how I would lie to myself to get through situations. Finding truth in all and seeing situations in a new light, I have realised what burdens I have been carrying.
Sometimes my marriage sometimes seems like the biggest lie of all. Spiritually, I feel so alone and at times I feel nothing for my husband. Other times I know I love him dearly, for his kindness and stability. He has given me security and forgiveness. He is very handsome and I like living with him and our children. But, I have never felt connected to his energy or felt connected to his spirit and this makes me feel so lonely and isolated. Our communication has grown as our relationship passes the years. As I have carried our relationship all the way, taken upon myself the challenge of doing everything to get us to a better and brighter future. All my blood sweat and tears has gone into raising our family while he sits reading and day dreaming. At this age and period of our lives I feel like I’ve exhausted my strength doing my role and his role.
Marriage is a full time job, so many ups and down.
There are times where I just don’t know who’s looking back at me in the mirror.
When I feel like giving up and dig deep and find a reason to carry on.
Love isn’t perfection, I can’t love 100% all the time.
I love , sometimes I hate and sometimes completely indifferent to the relationship.
Muse
You presented and surrender to me
Knelt down and submitted
our gaze gracefully connecting
alchemy awakening
