What are your triggers?

For the last few weeks my life feels like a dizzy blur of intoxication. I can barely remember what I did last week let alone yesterday. My heart races and vision flickers while a million thoughts consumes my consciousness. Life mimics a marathon on a tread mill that never stops. I suffer from manic and depressive episodes, at least once every six months to 18 months, and right now my mind is swirling and the anxiety raising.

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The invisible hand

A long time ago when I worked in finance and group of my work colleagues and I had a few drinks one night after a hard day. We were all at a new trendy local bar sampling Asian cuisine food and locals wines.  One of the women who attended was a real piece of work but she was also very charming. She was lazy, spent most day hung-over and flirted with the male upper management so she could get promoted. As I was very hard working, and did more than my fair share of the teams work, I began to resent her.  But, that evening was very relaxed and enjoyable.

The following Monday she came to work extremely upset, confused and spent all weekend crying. She tearfully explained that her car had been vandalised! I really empathised with her situation as it was such a horrid thing to have happened. Our natural reaction was shock, horror and outrage. So, being the lovely sales team that we were we, (me included) sympathetically tried to help her figure out the culprit.  For weeks our sales team would gossip and point the figure at our work mates and come up with wild explanations. It was truly awful that someone could do something so nasty and we all really felt for her. It seemed a real mystery that no one could solve.  My theory was that some youths walked passed indiscriminately and carried out a random act of vandalism.

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What’s your vice?

49273D4F-9373-43C1-9A5C-11D585A970DF.jpegAnother day and another headache. After many decades of habitual dope smoking I am on my first week of the detox. I have completely gone cold turkey and the physical symptoms my body is experiencing is very overwhelming. With body chills, headaches, stomach aches and mood swings, I’m being to think it’s easier to ween myself off instead of 100% nothing.

My history with illicit drugs is a long one. It started off with a marijuana joint given to me by my dad for my 11th birthday, followed by amphetamines at 16 (again, given to me by my parents) mushrooms and acid in my teens.

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What’s your number?

9EE55F76-87D5-4E4D-8361-49D0217DE916Yes, call me a nymph.

With an insatiable sexual appetite my number of sexual partners is much higher than the average women.  I am in no way ashamed of this, however it’s not something I disclose as promiscuity is frowned upon.  In most societies, especially if you’re a women, you will be labelled in a derogatory manner and I do hate being judged.

So, what’s my number to confession? Somewhere around 120 maybe a little higher.