Paying for sex

Previously mentioned, I spent my teens working in my mother’s brothel as a receptionist. My day consisted of answering telephones while trying to sound alluring in a provocative sexy whisper (hindsight tells me my young innocent girlie voice was what probably what caught punters attention), and booking appointments etc. It was a fairly easy job and not many difficulties arose. If there was any it was mainly from the sour puss pampered girls themselves who didn’t like being told by a 16 year old what to do or who to fuck. And, sometimes my boyfriend would ring as a joke pretending to be a customer to trick me into describing the girls, which made me feel embarrassed but no doubt turned him on as he would have a massive laugh.

Continue reading “Paying for sex”

Does mother know best?

During my early to mid teens my mother, who was raising four children on her own, was struggling financially. This lead her to taking up a position as receptionist at the city’s largest and most popular brothel. She worked nights so we didn’t see her much -this was basically the end of her parenting us. We really never saw her, she slept during the day, but cash was truly flowing. Our flat was city central until we upgraded right next door of the massage parlour and bang smack in town. Continue reading “Does mother know best?”

What are your triggers?

For the last few weeks my life feels like a dizzy blur of intoxication. I can barely remember what I did last week let alone yesterday. My heart races and vision flickers while a million thoughts consumes my consciousness. Life mimics a marathon on a tread mill that never stops. I suffer from manic and depressive episodes, at least once every six months to 18 months, and right now my mind is swirling and the anxiety raising.

Continue reading “What are your triggers?”

The invisible hand

A long time ago when I worked in finance and group of my work colleagues and I had a few drinks one night after a hard day. We were all at a new trendy local bar sampling Asian cuisine food and locals wines.  One of the women who attended was a real piece of work but she was also very charming. She was lazy, spent most day hung-over and flirted with the male upper management so she could get promoted. As I was very hard working, and did more than my fair share of the teams work, I began to resent her.  But, that evening was very relaxed and enjoyable.

The following Monday she came to work extremely upset, confused and spent all weekend crying. She tearfully explained that her car had been vandalised! I really empathised with her situation as it was such a horrid thing to have happened. Our natural reaction was shock, horror and outrage. So, being the lovely sales team that we were we, (me included) sympathetically tried to help her figure out the culprit.  For weeks our sales team would gossip and point the figure at our work mates and come up with wild explanations. It was truly awful that someone could do something so nasty and we all really felt for her. It seemed a real mystery that no one could solve.  My theory was that some youths walked passed indiscriminately and carried out a random act of vandalism.

Continue reading “The invisible hand”

What’s your vice?

49273D4F-9373-43C1-9A5C-11D585A970DF.jpegAnother day and another headache. After many decades of habitual dope smoking I am on my first week of the detox. I have completely gone cold turkey and the physical symptoms my body is experiencing is very overwhelming. With body chills, headaches, stomach aches and mood swings, I’m being to think it’s easier to ween myself off instead of 100% nothing.

My history with illicit drugs is a long one. It started off with a marijuana joint given to me by my dad for my 11th birthday, followed by amphetamines at 16 (again, given to me by my parents) mushrooms and acid in my teens.

Continue reading “What’s your vice?”

What’s your number?

9EE55F76-87D5-4E4D-8361-49D0217DE916Yes, call me a nymph.

With an insatiable sexual appetite my number of sexual partners is much higher than the average women.  I am in no way ashamed of this, however it’s not something I disclose as promiscuity is frowned upon.  In most societies, especially if you’re a women, you will be labelled in a derogatory manner and I do hate being judged.

So, what’s my number to confession? Somewhere around 120 maybe a little higher.

Mean Girls

B14AF668-BE50-4190-A709-F263C90358FD.jpeg

Something I beat myself up about is the shame and embarrassment of being raped.  Having had at least half a dozen experiences of sex being forced on me, like many women, left me feeling worthless and unlovable.  However, one particular instance rocked my world for many reasons.

Continue reading “Mean Girls”

Hello and Greetings

93AE0552-D19E-44AF-9F5E-4540DCBDB8D9.jpeg

Welcome my friends.  After a rather harrowing  period which saw a downward spiral of suicidal thoughts and self hate I am taking the positive steps to heal. For years I have been suppressing my shame, pain, violence, debauchery,  promiscuity, vices and my fucked up family.  The energy taken to suppress and play normal has had a huge effect on me and I want to be free from the past.  Now ready to release my sins and heal, I thought a fabulous healing process would to be to finally share my inner thoughts and experiences. Over the next one hundred days I will expell one demon at a time…… xoxo

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑