Dancing with the darkness

Hades and Persephone in the underworld, interior of a Greek red-figured kylix (cup), from Vulci, c. 430 BCE; in the British Museum, London.

Lost in the dark shadows I cannot see.

Stumbling, trembling, the self preservation has extinguished.

My soul was murder, my dignity robbed as the morning mist rose.

Hades is whispering my name from below.

Sentenced to public examination and humiliation my soul faced a brutal death.

The intensity of living turned me into stone, I call upon the darkness to rise and breathe into this crumbling gravel.

The abyss below my surface has never ending aches and tremors. The earth has opened and swallowed me.

Who calls my name, wants to dance, take my hand to the underworld.

Who is there?

I see it’s you my dear friend and your friends opium, Valium, methadone and sister morphine.

Let’s dance the haze in the shadowy realms of darkness alone and together.

Continue reading “Dancing with the darkness”

Teen pregnancy and homeless

img_4612-2Today I celebrate my eldest sons birthday, he is 25 years old. I thought the day would feel joyous but instead I reflected and cried.

My tears are for all my struggles and adversity that I have faced. It was 25 years ago that I was made homeless, kicked out of the family home for being pregnant. I was told to leave my family home one week after turning 18. I left the house with only the clothes I was wearing. I cried all the way up the street to the bus stop where I continued to cry. I cried so much I missed the next 3 buses, I just sat there balling my eyes with no composure and unsure what to do. Having finally calmed down I bused to my friends house to ask for a bed for the night. She agreed I could stay, but her flat mates were not happy and voiced their opinions. They didn’t want a pregnant teen who had no money staying. That night was lonely and the room felt dark and empty. I was hoping the flat mates would change their minds but did not happen.

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When friendships go downhill.

Recently I killed off two friendships and for two very different reasons. We were tight as thieves, catching up every few days for coffee, drinks and a big gossip. At first it felt very sisterhood, supporting each other, laughing together and really bonding. There were endless nights of gin drinking, deep secret sharing and staggered home after one too many. I felt so lucky to finally have a women friendship circle.

What could test those bonds, rattle our friendship and end all communication forever? Well, friend1 revelled a dark side, a sinful lust and deprave allure. It didn’t immediately click in my mind the little immoral hints she kept repeating. Then one manic Sunday afternoon she blurted out that her friend, a male in his later 50’s, regularly’s molests local young teenage boys. And, to shock me further she added that she saw no issues with this and defended his actions. As I sat there in shock I found my words lost and my heart break. In that split second I found I no longer knew my friend and our worlds far apart.

Continue reading “When friendships go downhill.”

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